Faculty Review Traget: 25,000 words
Current Word Count: 19,400 21,938 words
Deadline: Tuesday

Buried in work. Burying myself in thinking back to the beginnings, all of them, every beginning of every thought. At last I’ve approached the moment where I’m no longer writing preliminary notes in notebooks; I’m returning to my notebooks (8 or 9 A4 spiralbound notebooks, real notes, a correspondence, littered with doodles, diagrams, plans, plans of the same thing, often, over and over for pages) returning to my notebooks and harvesting the best lines.

To be writing again, really writing, is also to stop thinking of this upcoming deadline as a judgment. And to realise again that my reviewers will be engaging in a critical dialogue. The question is not, will this writing pass the test — will it ‘pass’ in all the negative ways that passing connotes, a surface engagement only — but how can the readers help? How can this process transform what I’ve done already?

I’m listening to Sasha and Digweed on repeat. Driving techno. I wish I was dancing with my whole body; instead I let my fingers dance. The rhythm forms a structure; words stream out to fill the gaps between the beat.