okay, really
It is true that I only got excited about posting something here because I have been obsessively reading two blogs lately — Lipstick Eater and The Fauxist International — and had an explosively fabulous daydream about what would happen when the authors of said blogs met. Some heavy duty theory bitching, is my guess. And talk about fashion.
Meanwhile, having actually gone somewhere — I just landed in Bloomington, Indiana, although I still don’t have a place to live so I guess I’m still going — I have decided that this blog needs to die. It just isn’t fabulous enough. Things have changed in my world. In flagrantly conscious resistance to the expectation that the more of an academic one becomes, the more burrowed-in and cerebral one ought to be, I just spent two months sporting gold and blue shimmery make-up at every opportunity, wearing booty shorts, dancing whenever I could, listening to punk rock and generally being fucking gay. More than ever before, my favourite people are fags, dykes, perverts, trannies, sex-workers, femmes and other people who defy conventional logic. And many of them are being fucked over all the time. Being in this world sometimes feels like a dream — as it should, a fantastical dream, the dystopian future I always aspired to live in. But this blog doesn’t reflect that. It’s “theoretical”. It’s “intellectual”. And its trajectory has seemed ever more conventional. Well, more to the point, boring. I stopped writing about important stuff here a long time ago. My desire to blog died on the day I panicked about the future and cleaned up the about page so it could be read by prospective employers. Boner kill. Truly.
Also, why did I bother? Apparently I don’t even pass for straight anyhow. This was brought to my attention in rural Tennessee in June. I was on a queer farm called Ida with 500 other queers and Pike and Marion and I borrowed a Subaru wagon to make a beer and snack run to the nearest town. We stopped at an automotive parts store to ask for directions and I offered to go inside. “After all I probably look the most straight. Right?” You know, I was being chivalrous. Pike spluttered and laughed in my face. “Az,” she said. “You don’t look straight. You look like a fag. Maybe in Australia you could pass as straight. But here you look gay. We all do.” The word ‘gay’ here doesn’t just mean homosexual; it carries the irony that we are all kind of anti-gay, anti-assimilationist, anti-”blending in”. Gay as in flaming.
So I may just migrate to a new home, which can be just as flaming as I apparently am in “real life”. Given that I kinda want to write about art and beauty and aesthetics (and make-up!) and fashion, as well as how to teach a critique of scientific knowledges about sex, it seems appropriate. Maybe the new blog will have more pretty pictures too. Wait and see.

